


Don’t Get In The Way Of the Bromance

by wendymr



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, M/M, Multi, S8 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2437049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendymr/pseuds/wendymr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What didn’t happen after the end of <i>Entry Wounds</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Don’t Get In The Way Of the Bromance

**Author's Note:**

> We'll just apologise now...

"So, you know how you always know everything, James?"

"Well, obviously, but in reference to what this time?"

"Well, what with you being such a cleverclogs, I thought you might know the answer to me question."

"I can certainly try. What's the question?"

"What's a bromance when it's at home?"

"You haven't heard that term before?"

"Would I be askin' you if I had? I'd forgotten what a bloody smartarse you are."

"Ah. Well, a bromance is a term used to describe a very close relationship between two men... usually specifying that the relationship is non-sexual. Otherwise it would just be called a romance."

"Oh. Well, that doesn't sound too bad, then. Thought it was something dodgy."

"It's exactly what it sounds like. Although apparently you thought what it sounded like was something else."

"I didn't know, did I? Sounded like something kinky between brothers."

"...I assure you it isn't. What did you hear the term in reference to?"

"Just... in passing."

"Mm. It's used in reference to characters on television programmes sometimes. Drs House and Wilson, for instance, on House."

"Hmm. Not sure Laura's convinced that's a non-sexual friendship. She keeps talking about undertones an' obvious giveaways an' other stuff I pay no attention to."

"Well, some people use bromance slightly differently... to mean a romance between two men. But that's a less common usage."

"...right, then."

"Everything all right?"

"It's just... oh, nothing."

"Go on."

"I was coming out of the canteen earlier an' Maddox was talking to DS Lyle. Heard my name mentioned, so I hung back a bit. Wasn't meaning to listen, but then I heard Lyle tell Maddox, if she wanted to do well, she should make sure not to get in the way of the Lewis-Hathaway bromance."

"I see."

"I mean... I didn't know what to think."

"In what way?"

"Well, like I said, I didn't know what it meant. What Lyle was implying about us."

"Is it clearer to you now?"

"S'pose so, yeah, but is that what people really think about us? That you're me.... work-wife?"

"Apparently Lyle does. Does that bother you?"

"Depends, I suppose."

"On what?"

"Wouldn't want Laura gettin' jealous, for one thing. Although given her comment about her, you an' me an' a hole in the ground, maybe she wouldn't mind..."

"I can't believe that Laura wouldn't already be convinced of your fidelity. You're nothing if not loyal."

"James, when'd you stop flirting with me?"

"When you became otherwise engaged, so to speak. Sir."

"I see. Have to tell Laura to be even clearer next time, then."

"I don't understand."

"Did you really think I didn't know what a bromance is?"

"I asked you and you told me... is this some sort of practical joke?"

"Not like you to be slow on the uptake, man."

"Excellent. I hope you found it very amusing."

"Now, don't get your knickers in a twist — assuming you're wearing any. Just to be clear: it's never been a _bro_ mance, an' Laura didn't just happen to include you with the two of us the other day."

"So this elaborate setup is what? Some sort of invitation?"

"Like I said. Not like you to be slow on the uptake."

"Forgive me if I don't immediately translate 'What does a bromance mean' to 'My significant other and I would like a tumble with you.'"

"Not so much of the tumbling. Me back couldn't take it."

"You should have just asked me."

"Not exactly easy, is it? What should I have said? Come home wi' me for dinner — oh, and Laura likes a back-rub before sex?"

"Possibly not that. But I don't like being... toyed with."

"Christ, man, I wouldn't do that. Don't be daft. You should know you mean more to me — to us — than that. Maybe I did come at it arse-side-up, but I thought, well, I'll just give you an opening to flirt wi' me, an' I'll flirt back, and we can take it from there."

"I didn't know flirting would be welcome. I've tried so hard not to."

"Don't."

"All right."

"Go on, then."

"Is this like 'can you pee on command'? Can you flirt on command?"

"You never seemed to have a problem before, pet."

"I wasn't under pressure then. But that's changed, hasn't it? Now the pressure's rather... intense."

"Not givin' you marks out of ten. Mind, couldn't swear Laura won't..."

"If she needs to, I can provide the scorecards."

"She'll only use 'em on me. She wasn't joking about me dinner the other day, an' I'm still half-way in the doghouse."

"Are you. Think you'll get out any time soon?"

"Might do tonight, if you're gonna take me up on our invitation...?"

"I think I'd like to. If I'm genuinely wanted by both of you."

"Aye, that you are."

"Then, yes. Thank you."

"Come on, back into the canoe. There's a quiet spot along the river that should do nicely."

"What, you mean... she's meeting us there?"

"Christ, no. What'd we want to do that for when we've got a whole house to ourselves? Nah, Laura's been saying for weeks how much she wants to watch me kiss you, an' if I've got to put on a show for her I'd like to get some practice in first."

"This is actually happening, isn't it? I haven't hit my head and hallucinated this."

"Would it help more if I pinched you or snogged you?"

"Snog first. Pinch later."

"Back down the river, then. Might fancy you rotten, but I'm not gonna lock lips with you in front of half the evening drinking crowd. They might have scorecards."

"I'm not paying any attention to _their_ scorecards."

"Still. Canoe."

"Right."

"Oh, and I quite like back-rubs before sex, too..."

"I've been told I have very talented fingers. Shouldn't be a problem."

"Good man. Now, row faster!"

"You've got an oar as well, you know."

"And you're the boat-race champion."

"Not in a canoe."

"Still got oars an' a seat. Scorecards, remember?"

"If you're scoring my rowing, I'm scoring yours."

"Wasn't your rowing I was talking about scoring, bonny lad."

"For anything else, I'm afraid I'm going to have to recuse myself."

"Nah, you're not getting out of it now. I'm on a promise."

"Come on, then."

"We can stop here— Now, show us what you're made of."

"Gladly."

"Put that tongue of yours to more productive use."

"Only if you promise to do something useful with your hands."

"I fully intend to, man. Now, less talking, more snogging."

"Mm."

"Bromance, my foot. As if it's not been bleedin' obvious for years..."

"Now who's talking rather than snogging?"

"Yeah, yeah. Oh — should have told you. We do have one condition for all this."

"What's that?"

"No more shaving your head. We both like havin' something to run our fingers through."

"Pity. I was going to work on a tonsure."

"You're gonna be supervised with a razor from now on."

"Don't take it away unless you want me bearded."

"I said supervised. Mind, Laura's a dab hand at shaving."

"I'll refrain from asking where she's been shaving on you."

"Wasn't talking about me. Corpses, remember?"

"That's reassuring. Think I'll stick to my own devices."

"And to the snogging. Six out of ten so far — let's see you do better."

"I could do with some help."

"Do I have to do everything for you? C'mere, then..."

"Coming."

"Nah, that'll be later."

"Not if you keep doing that."

"Now, that's the kind of enthusiasm I like to see. Ten out of ten."

"Left mine in the canoe... but you've nothing to worry about."

"Good — well, let's not keep Laura waiting any longer, then, pet."

"Lay on, MacDuff."


End file.
